I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
