If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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