NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
