Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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