I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The uberlube is also flammable
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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