How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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