he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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