alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
