He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
