I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
