I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
