Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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