I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
