I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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