Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
