This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
