no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
