you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
