it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
