remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
