Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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