you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My ass is underappreciated
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
