Whod you bang
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
