some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
