So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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