is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize