hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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