Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize