if only i could text you this smell
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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