Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
