This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
