She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
