I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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