Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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