i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
