A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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