She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize