just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
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