She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
