My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
