she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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