I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
