i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
