I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
