How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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