we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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