Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
