Sponge bath it is.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
