bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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