You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize