we have officially lost it.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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