dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
last night I used snow as a chaser
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize