Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well I just put wine in my tea
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
