I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
