Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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