well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
