I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
