i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize