In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
