I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
