One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
