my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
