remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Randomize
