It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
