This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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