I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
