If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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