The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
