if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
