Do vagina's smell?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
