The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
