just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
