DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
