Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My breath smells like gin and sadness
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
