I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
