I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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