im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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