Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize