Got a toothbrush?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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