Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
