god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
