well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
