homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
