jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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