So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
