He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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