my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
