bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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