so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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