I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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