I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
