In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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